Bumpus Hound

If you've ever seen A Christmas Story then you know the role of the Bumpus Hounds. Maybe there are some deep seated reasons for this choice of name. Maybe I liken my behavior to theirs somewhat. Maybe I just think that the best line in the movie is when the Old Man yells "Sons a bitches.....Bumpus'ses!!!!!". There are so many good lines in that movie, THAT can't be true. Maybe I have a fetish with womens backsides? That is probably more like it.

Tonight I sat here and wrote a 3 page essay on why I deleted my old blog, what blogs mean to me and hypothesized what they mean to you, why I'm all emo about the Holidays and drolled endlessly on the misfortunes of my tormented soul due to a heartless harlot that still is endearing to me. I'm so crazy that on a whim, I deleted that drivel. It was private, not to mention the fact that I'd look gay to any available hotties that want to play Jethro Tull on my skin flute!

I have a dial-up connection at home so this will be laborious. Currently I'm at work tempting fate by being on line when I'm not supposed to be. Luckily it's the day after New Year's Day and not a whole lot is going on. What work I had to do got postponed because of broken stuff. Hopefully they are understanding. *Clearing throat*

That's right, I have dial-up. I also have just a land line. I sometimes regret having only that because I cannot connect with freinds in times of good fun at the pub or out and about. But I also don't like being tracked down or feeling that way. I have an old Dodge pick up truck. Another reason for a cell phone. But I consider it my way of gambling since I don't go to casinos or like betting. I had a cell phone, however, given to me from work....YAY!....Fish sarcasm....yeah, I got in trouble for spending too many minutes on the phone with my EX. It got taken away. Just as is, most likely, my internet access will be tomorrow!

I'm sarcastic. Sometimes funny. Have a penchant for fried foods. What I lack in taste for food I make up for in my quest for the perfect beer. Right now, thanks to a tip from a freind, it is Young's Double Chocolate Stout on tap at the Horsebrass Pub in Portland, Oregon. Anyway, these two loves have contributed to my womanly man breasts and my cuddly figure. So like, for a new years resolution, I'm just gonna get plastic surgery or maybe just continue to enjoy the finest fish and chips and stout there is and the rest of you can look away when I pull up my stretched TShirt to rub my hairy belly as I sit there and digest.

I can't save a shilling. Although I'm slowly creeping financially out of debt. I like my luxuries and have an apartment likened to a museum or a Captain's quarters on some 19th century man of war. It's easy on the eye.

Women are drawn to my air of self confidence and my, how do you say "je ne sais quios". So if you are a woman reading this and after my booty, ye be warned, Fish swims with the current of life and gets trapped not in the tide pool of married living! It would take a mermaid of the likes better than Darryl Hannah to harpoon this Fish.

I have a sense of honor and duty to my freinds that I hold true. I am regrettably not always considerate of a freind or lovers' feeling as being a Scorpio is my lot in life and the err of my ways. I used to be a quick witted lad. Keen in sight and quick with a joke. Somewhere along the line the sense has dulled. It cost this man his greatest treasure but gives him the brass tackle to scour the seven seas for the right poxyless doxie to travel life's crests and troughs with.

Take heed! Because this Fish indeed is a Bumpus Hound with a zest for the uncanny fanny! The sea of blogs will never be the same! Just as my undershorts once sprung from the package!